Prediction: Jack's Brother Lives

My apologies for taking such a long time off, I've been pretty bogged down with finals.

-Monday night, better known as My Favorite Night of TV, is back, and only 7 days after our last Monday night. This plot with Jack's brother seems like the biggest stretch yet on 24, which is saying something considering last year's 24 had the President helping out the terrorists. Apparently the writers do not draw out a full story arc before the season starts, so they have no idea where the story is actually going until about four episodes beforehand. This is the first time I can think of where it seemed like the show was written that way. Just seems kind of bush. Also, just a few episodes ago, Jack was having trouble bringing himself to torture people properly and committing to helping CTU on these new threats. Now, within ten minutes of seeing his brother for the first time in 36 years he's ready to move to suffocation even though he has no idea that his brother is involved in any of the terrorism?

The grade for 24 thus far? Awfome. (awful and awesome, at the same time)

-New feature today: Guess Who's a Terrorist. Here are the rules: based on what you've seen so far this year, pick who you think are the surprise terrorists that will be revealed down the line. Here are my picks...

-Milo or Morris: I mean one of these guys has to be a terrorist, right? I think the obvious choice would be Morris, since he's real awkward and a total douchebag. That's why I'm going with Milo. When Jack figures out that Milo is a terrorist and Milo knows that Jack knows, I hope Jack asks him, "Why the long face, Milo?"

-The President's sister: if she's not a terrorist, she's at least a cuntrag. She's been about as annoying as Sherry Palmer from the first couple seasons, and we know S. Palmer was a terrorist. I'm applying that same logic here. Plus, she's acting real fishy. Definitely a terrorist.

-Assad: I might be completely off on this one, but I'm not buying the terrorist-turned-good storyline with this clown. Jack's gonna regret shooting Curtis in the neck once this guy goes bad. Although he's probably happy that at least one of the people on the show who always speaks in that breathy whisper is finally gone for good. Now all they need is someone to take out the prez.

-The real reason I haven't written in like 9 days is because I had been keeping a stableside vigil over everybody's favorite crippled superstar (no, not Steve Hawking), Barbaro. It's been a riveting ride ever since he fucked himself up at the Preakness last year, but today he finally got the Kevorkian treatment. I send my condolences to Hank Goldberg, Pat Forde, and Barbaro himself through this bizarre messageboard: http://www.vet.upenn.edu/barbaro/messageboard.php . Since most of the messages on the board are addressed to Barbaro himself, I guess the posters have made several leaps of faith: 1) that there is an afterlife for horses, 2) that, in this afterlife, the horses are afforded internet access, and 3) that these horses are literate. It is true that I'm only posting these snarky comments because I'm jealous of Barbaro's message board traffic. Type Slow will be lucky to get that many hits over the entirety of its existence. Whatever, at least there's a point to visiting our website, even if that point is to look smart in front of your co-workers.

-Here's the best indication I've seen that hockey has become completely irrelevant. Last Wednesday (Wednesday?), the NHL held its annual mid-winter classic. I'm not sure where the All-Star game was played or on what channel it appeared. However, I do know that an Andy Griffith rerun on TV Land toppled it in the Nielsen ratings. I mean, holy shit, right? If I had to guess, I would've said Book TV on C-Span 2 gets better ratings than Andy Griffith reruns on TV Land. That's some pathetic stuff right there, NHL. In the all time falls from grace, where does the NHL rank? Provide feedback in the comments. And yes, you have my permission to send this in to Simmons to see if it will make it into a mailbag (as long as you are pimping for Type Slow in the same email...please).

-RE: the Pats-Colts game. I don't really have much to add here. I was pretty confident the Pats were gonna win this game and, really, they should have. Whatever - it sucks, it stinks, and it sucks. This was a pretty brutal loss, but the difference here was the timing of it. Had this occurred in, say, 1999, I would've been catatonic for like a week. Shit, I remember when they lost to the Belichick-led Browns in the '96 playoffs and the 12-year-old version of me damn near needed therapy. Three Super Bowls add a little perspective I guess. I feel like a huge jerk saying something like that, but it's true. Just another reason why sports will never be the same for me or really any Boston fan after the early '00s. We peaked. Although, a great Celtics team could change everything. Go Pacers (tomorrow night)!

-Anybody have a spare computer they wanna send to their favorite blogger? Mine Barbaroed recently.

-That's all for today. Smalls? Anything?

Peace and Old Navy Performance Fleece.