More Importantly

OK, enough of this Jets crap.

-Three bowlers, without the aid of google:

1) Pete Weber - better known as PDW. Wasn't this the guy who adopted those WWF-like antics introducing the bowling world to shit-talking, playing to the crowd, and the fake "heroes and villains" angle? Ahead of his time really.

2) Dick Weber - Patriarch of the great Weber clan that included both PDW and Max. His family could bowl you out of the alley, taunt you while doing it, and then discuss the social implications afterward over some sauerkraut and Haake Beck.

3) Earl Something (edit: Anthony, fuck - how did I forget that?) - Ah, the Earl of Anthony. Was said to have known the boards better than anyone who ever lived. Not related to Carmelo, although he can be seen in the background of the obscure (but essential) bluegrass video "Stop Snitchin'"

-You ever actually watch bowling? Those guys are incredible. Although I'm convinced that if all I did all day was practice bowling and could situate the pins any way I wanted so I knew every shot in the book - I would be right nasty. I'm already pretty good, as my 2005 Sage Hospitality Resources Company Bowling Champion title belt would indicate. All I need is a 12 pound ball, a fist full of "free bowling game" tickets, a sponsor like Brunswick or PDW's Truck Detail or Skoal, and a chain smoking habit. Remember when wearing bowling shirts had its run of popularity in the mid-90s? You know, like the shirts guys like Double Down Trent might've worn? Thank god for the invention of the mirror in the late 90s. Things were fucking hideous.

-OK, regarding your point about Jack dropping a deuce or eating a sandwich or whatever....I have thought about this just like everyone else, and it pisses me off that people bring this up as a flaw or even care about it. This seems to bother everybody besides me. Would it be, in any way, satisfactory to you to watch him take a shit for like 4 minutes? I mean, nothing but 4 minutes of Jack on the toilet, maybe trying to bang out a few clues of the LA Times crossword. This would be compelling television? Why do people complain about this? There are 14 minutes of each episode that we don't see where the characters could conceivably be relieving themselves or eating or taking care of the other mundane activities of day to day life. I don't understand why we need to see this. I bet if you actually track the amount of time that Jack is on screen, it is probably around 30 minutes per episode - maximum - which is two thirds of each show (counting commercials as roughly 14 minutes). This means for thirty minutes of each episode, we're not entirely sure what Jack is up to. That's 12 hours of the day where he could sneak a piss or drop the boys off or pound a sandwich! I don't understand why they need to explicitly show him doing these things?! Aren't there far more ridiculous things on the show that the viewer is required to go along with? I refuse to believe that, if in the 21st hour - when all hell is breaking loose - they show Jack casually sitting down for a McRib and some fries, anybody would find this satisfying. Although, it would be funny as hell and possibly the greatest "Fuck you TV watcher, OK? Happy now?" in the history of television.

-Finally, a discovery of vast implications was made last night at my palacial Brooklyn abode. Amidst an animated discussion questioning just what the hell Grimace is, we found that he has an Irish relative:

That's right, Uncle O'Grimacey.

Type slow, children, type slow.